I just attended a fantastic halaqah… and those sisters who know me personally may feel free to email me and request that it be sent to them insha Allah, but the topic was: Top Ten Tarbiyah Mistakes. Tarbiyah, as you may know, is the process of character development that we engage in with our children. So before going to the class, my thought was–Ouch!–we get to hear 2 hours of the ten biggest things we do wrong every day with our kids?
But as Allah (swt) says: “And remind, for verily, the reminder benefits the believers” (Adh-Dhariyaat: 55). Sometimes a swift kick in the proverbial arse is what we need to make a firm commitment to change, and boy was this a kick.
I really would like to take the time to type up my notes, but until then I will leave a teaser–I’ll put the ten points she mentioned, then come back with the notes as I can get them out (maybe 3-4 at a time). If you would like to get this and other blog updates straight to your inbox, feel free to add your email address in the box at the top of the right column and you will get the posts as they are published. In the future if you would like to unsubscribe, you can easily do so through the emails themselves, or just post a comment and I’ll unsub you.
Here goes, Letterman style—
The Top Ten Mistakes of Tarbiyah
- Choosing the wrong spouse–someone who differs with you on the fundamental issues of life and parenting.
- Considering tarbiyah as beginning at a later stage in life
- Letting the children control you and run the family
- Making sure that 90% of what you say is commands, prohibitions, and threats
- Assuming that your child thinks like you
- Using injurious and harmful words
- Never explaining anything and expecting immediate and prompt blind compliance
- Comparing your children to each other (in looks or behavior) and show favoritism
- Lying to your kids
- Assuming that you are the source of guidance for your children
Now…I don’t like leaving things hanging like that, because some of these are not clear in what they mean and I’m sure leaves the person scratching their head and saying, “but…”
However, the notes are long, I’d like to do them justice, so they will be back another day bi ‘idhnillah.
As a clue to some of the points of the halaqah, I’ll say that some of the topics mentioned include Steven Covey, Dr. Sears, racism, totalitarianism, family mission statements, principle-centered leadership/parenting, and punishment.
Ready? Check back soon! In the meanwhile, feel free to discuss the points so far…